The Simple Life and Journey to a happy one . .

I can’t help to think this is exactly where I need to be. 

For those who don’t know, I’m currently living at home with my family. My 24 year old sister, Maddey, 17 year old brother, Jt, Mom and Dad, and my sweet vizsla, Daisy (aka foofie). 

Coming home felt like getting off a boat after a while and still feeling like you're on the water even though the ground is completely still.

Basically, it was a major shock to the system after a summer abroad; not to mention transitioning back to the east coast after college in Colorado. 

Each day I would wake up irritated with this urge to “start my life” which involved me getting a job, an apartment, a partner, and sweet “foofie” of my own. I wanted it all and I wanted it as soon as possible. Because in my mind, if I didn’t pursue any of those things then I would just be a loser still living with my parents.

And the sh*tty part was, I did all of this self-work throughout my travels trying to reverse this mentality and I felt like I finally reached a way to get my ego to chill the f*ck out. Because what I truly want right now is to experience, grow, and heal. And most importantly, I was training myself over time to be present. But of course it’s easy to be present in one of the most aesthetic countries in the world with the tastiest food. You’re alone. You don’t speak the language. There’s not much else to do than sit, observe, read, write, and try your best to survive and enjoy. 

But then you’re home. And opinions come flooding in with what you “should” be doing and poof you’re out of the present moment and concerned about your future. 

So my days flew by. I got a job as a server to which I failed exceptionally at in the beginning. And came home to the cozy grey couch and mind numbing television where I wasted many hours consumed by One Tree Hill. Each night I dreaded the morning and in the mornings I dreaded the day, then the night. 

Chad 

This post is about to get worse before it gets better, stick with me.

After about two weeks living like this, my grandfather had a stroke. 

My grandfather is a spectacular man. He is 81 and still working 5 days a week, not because he needs to, but because he LOVES to. Everyone that meets him adores him. He is a walking example of joy and life force. 

Maddey, Papa, Jt and Me

By the grace of all that is good in the world, he was okay. But his speech was hindered dramatically which was upsetting (to say the least) for my family and my grandpa. On the first night my grandmother spoke to my sister and explained to her that this is the way of life, people get old, they get sick and they die. 

This is obviously not an astonishing revelation of truth, but it was what she said next that I have kept with me since. 

She told her that it's our privilege and responsibility to use our health and young bodies to live as much as we can while we can. As they did. As my parents have, and what my sister promised her to do. 

From that moment I’ve been on a journey to discover the joy of life. A simple one. And I have never been happier. 

Before I get into how I got here, I must precaution you that it is not foolproof. There are moments where I feel so unaligned that I want the world to piss off, men to go extinct, and every problem to explode in a massive gas fire.

Even then, I can’t remember a time I was this content.

Anyways, I think most people want an extraordinary life. To be famous, to have millions, to save thousands of people, earn a peace prize, climb all the tallest peaks in the world, etc. But millionaires are lonely, and famous artists, well, they overdose every year. 

Riding with Death (1988): One of Basquiat's last paintings

What I truly want out of this life, is to be happy. 

And so I’m fighting for it. Everyday. In this Simple Life. I made the decision to love this life. To get really f*cking excited for the rest of it and laugh as much as I can each day. Instead of cringing over mistakes, I giggle at the comedic flare in this chapter of my life. 

I figured out I have to find enjoyment in struggle or else I’ll never grow. I have to fail miserably at new things, or they’ll never be things that I can do. Find the “comfort in discomfort” as my coaches melted into my brain. 

You make the most money as a server when its crazy busy. You make the most “gains” in the gym when you max out on weight. Life feels the most powerful, meaningful in high energy situations, and so I’m seeking them out. 

This is hard. It takes a lot of courage. It requires a release of grip on ego and fear. And…. Yeah! I’m still working on it…. 

The other is easy. It’s the search for joy in the life around you. 

For example, I LOVE going to the dry cleaners. It’s right by my work and it’s run by a sweet Vietnamese family. They have a son who goes to UVA and who they’re very proud of. They’re extremely hardworking people but they manage to make me laugh or smile at the very least while I’m in there. 

I realized I love being a server. I love seeing all of the different groups of people that come in to share a meal. Families, business men, couples, throuples?, and my favorite, the big group of girl besties. It’s a beautiful thing, a restaurant filled with conversation and laughter. I love being in the trenches with my coworkers and talking sh*t about the bad tippers at the end of the night. I love how we root for each other on bad days and can laugh at it all the next day. 

Sweetwater Tavern

Just today, I was talking to my coworker about the fight for happiness and he replied that I must be faking it as we spoke. That it was a front. I didn't take it offensively because in a way it was true. In the beginning I started off by wanting to make everyday the “best day ever”. Picturing  what it would feel and look like to be a happy person. Then every time someone asked me how I was doing I replied that I was happy. Overtime, the “front” became the truth. 

I am happy. And I think a huge part of the process is to lean into the sensation of happiness. Lean into the challenge and lean into the progress. Lean further into the music, laughter, sunshine and sugary Christmas cookies. Lean further into hugs with your friends. Kiss harder, dance longer, sing louder. Lean into the possibility of that version of yourself.

And then there’s always……….

Old people holding hands, siblings playing Pokémon in coffee shops, dancing in the gym, in the park, in the rain. Hugging your mom after a long day, taking your dog on runs, that delicious cup of dark roast coffee in the morning, sweating, finding a new song, Sunday mornings, Tuesday mornings, new sheets on the bed, learning to crochet from your grandma, pho on a rainy day, trains! planes! buses to see your best friend, the smell of oil paint, the skyline of a new city, writing a blog. Best. Day. Ever. 

I am clinging to the life force. 

I am clinging to the life force in tragedy.